I’ll never be annoying and I won’t be rude again.

So love me now the way I am instead of getting mad,

‘Cause now will be your only chance to love me while I’m bad.

If I require this many then I must be really great.

To leave your house while knowing you don’t have a perfect will,

To know that you could ruin things on any given day,

To know that you are evil but to live life anyway,

To be with all the holy people knowing that you ain’t–

Enduring as a sinner surely makes you quite a saint.

So either she is really good or always gets her way.

And telling everybody they are God’s angelic sign.

but God’s own image lives in every sacred human soul,

And there’s a living remnant left of what the darkness stole.

So chain the ones who say that they are part of heaven’s plot,

but really all the crazy ones are those who say they’re not.

It leaves a lot less time for you to mess up even more.

They know just what to say when interacting face to face.

They know which fork goes where and how to dance and interview.

And how to shake your hand just right and how to party, too.

But just plain being nice can help the shyest, simple fool.

The greatest social skill there’s been is just the golden rule.

It makes me feel much better ‘bout how awful I have been.

I want to know what’s wrong with every person who I see

But that is just more dirt that every person has on me.

The scientist replied “Then you don’t understand the earth.”

“Though you don’t like to study creatures, trees , and rocks and sod,

The artists most of all should see that it’s the art of God.

They overcome more fear to do what’s easier for most.

In heaven God may give out purple hearts and maybe more

To all agoraphobics who went in a grocery store.

But there’s a little hunch that’s slowly rising up in me.

A whisper saying “What about the boring places, too?”

Where people do the simple things that they have got to do.

The kitchen sinks and laundromats and golden barley fields

Where people still don’t know what all their toil and virtue yields

We may find out in heaven as we reminisce and feast

There’s glory there in places where right now we see the least

Start with eggs and marmalade.

Dump in beets and lemonade.

Add some mayo.  Add some salt.

It may taste bad.  (Not your fault.)

Add some garlic.  Lots okay?

Leave it in the sun all day.

Garnish it with fishing bait.

Chill and serve to folks you hate.

I do not want to be too rude.

Forgive me if I’m snide.

But could you please go close that door

And not be on this side?

She used to be a debutante.  She’d entertain them all.

She’d be the main attraction at the yearly Christmas ball.

But now she sits alone and eats some bread with lukewarm broth.

She was a social butterfly, but now she is a moth.

Most coin collectors keep their coins where they can all be seen.

But I keep mine at work inside the break room’s Coke machine